Chapter 1
So, I am sitting in class, bored out of my mind, but what else is new? My life sucks in the general sort of way that everyone's life sucks, which is to say that there's nothing particularly bad about my life but there's nothing particularly good about it either. I'm listening to Ms. Glass, my English teacher, drone on about the importance in knowing the difference between "it's" and "its" and I want to throw myself into the nearest river. The problem with that is the nearest river is three towns over, I don't drive and even if I did, I don't have a car. Soooo, I'm stuck here listening to crap I really don't care about but there's not a whole lot I can do except pull out my cell phone and jerk around on that.
So, I wait for the teacher to turn away from looking at my side of the back of the room and I pull out my phone and start looking for an app I can waste some time on until the bell rings. As I'm scrolling through, looking at something, anything that will keep me from passing out, an ad pops up on my phone. Ordinarily I would quickly turn off my phone to reset it and delete the pop-up, but something about the ad catches my eye. It seems to be talking to me. Not really talking, but saying what I'm thinking. The ad reads, "Hey, kid, are you sitting in class bored out of your mind, listening to your teacher drone on about some minor grammar point? Click here if the answer is 'yes'." So I click on the little icon that says "YES," and another screen comes up that says, "Do you think your life sucks? No more than anyone else's, but at least just as bad? Click here if the answer is 'YES.'" So again, I'm intrigued and feeling like someone's drilled into my mind and is tapping into my thoughts, so again, I click the icon that says, "YES."
This time another screen pops up and says, "Want to hit the reset button on your life?" I look for a button that says, "Hell, YES!" but there are only two options offered, "YES" and "NOT YET." I hit the button that says, "YES" and then a screen comes up that says, "FREE TRIAL 'WHOEVER, WHATEVER, WHEREVER' the app that allows you to reset your life each and every day. FREE 30 Day trial offer."
I figure the whole thing is a joke but what hits me is the magic word, "FREE" so I hit the button and the new screen says, "WHOEVER, WHATEVER, WHEREVER gives you a fresh start to EVERYDAY of your life. YOU can be whoever you want, do whatever you want and go wherever you want, FREE for 30 days."
I'm like, "Yeah, right." But I look up at the teacher who's still beating everyone over the head with the fact that 'it's" means "it is" and "its" means a cat can lick its tail or something, and I can't get to a river so I click "okay."
A new screen pops up and says the app is in its trial stage and is not available to the public. Then, a new screen says that WHOEVER, WHATEVER, WHEREVER is not responsible for blah, blah, blah, then five pages of legal stuff comes up. I don't read it, of course, but scroll through it as fast as I can and hit "I AGREE."
That's when nothing happened and Ms. Glass asks me if I can explain the difference between...."No, I can't, I'm sorry," I say, then she looks at me and I wished I was a billionaire sitting in a penthouse apartment in the middle of Manhattan, yelling at someone to get me a drink.
And there I was.
"Right away, Ms. Ellis."
As I'm sipping my cocktail, of course, I can't believe it's real. I keep waiting to have someone in my class shake me awake and tell me the bell has rung, but in the meantime the phone is ringing. Not my cell phone, but the one on my polished Amazonian cherry wood desk. I pick it up and someone starts talking to me about some Asian company I own asking me if I should sell it. I have no idea what to do but I say, "Sure, let's sell." The guy on the other end of the line thanks me and tells me the company is now three hundred million dollars richer. I say good and yell for someone, anyone to get me another drink. Life is good, but I wonder how long it will last.
So, I wait for the teacher to turn away from looking at my side of the back of the room and I pull out my phone and start looking for an app I can waste some time on until the bell rings. As I'm scrolling through, looking at something, anything that will keep me from passing out, an ad pops up on my phone. Ordinarily I would quickly turn off my phone to reset it and delete the pop-up, but something about the ad catches my eye. It seems to be talking to me. Not really talking, but saying what I'm thinking. The ad reads, "Hey, kid, are you sitting in class bored out of your mind, listening to your teacher drone on about some minor grammar point? Click here if the answer is 'yes'." So I click on the little icon that says "YES," and another screen comes up that says, "Do you think your life sucks? No more than anyone else's, but at least just as bad? Click here if the answer is 'YES.'" So again, I'm intrigued and feeling like someone's drilled into my mind and is tapping into my thoughts, so again, I click the icon that says, "YES."
This time another screen pops up and says, "Want to hit the reset button on your life?" I look for a button that says, "Hell, YES!" but there are only two options offered, "YES" and "NOT YET." I hit the button that says, "YES" and then a screen comes up that says, "FREE TRIAL 'WHOEVER, WHATEVER, WHEREVER' the app that allows you to reset your life each and every day. FREE 30 Day trial offer."
I figure the whole thing is a joke but what hits me is the magic word, "FREE" so I hit the button and the new screen says, "WHOEVER, WHATEVER, WHEREVER gives you a fresh start to EVERYDAY of your life. YOU can be whoever you want, do whatever you want and go wherever you want, FREE for 30 days."
I'm like, "Yeah, right." But I look up at the teacher who's still beating everyone over the head with the fact that 'it's" means "it is" and "its" means a cat can lick its tail or something, and I can't get to a river so I click "okay."
A new screen pops up and says the app is in its trial stage and is not available to the public. Then, a new screen says that WHOEVER, WHATEVER, WHEREVER is not responsible for blah, blah, blah, then five pages of legal stuff comes up. I don't read it, of course, but scroll through it as fast as I can and hit "I AGREE."
That's when nothing happened and Ms. Glass asks me if I can explain the difference between...."No, I can't, I'm sorry," I say, then she looks at me and I wished I was a billionaire sitting in a penthouse apartment in the middle of Manhattan, yelling at someone to get me a drink.
And there I was.
"Right away, Ms. Ellis."
As I'm sipping my cocktail, of course, I can't believe it's real. I keep waiting to have someone in my class shake me awake and tell me the bell has rung, but in the meantime the phone is ringing. Not my cell phone, but the one on my polished Amazonian cherry wood desk. I pick it up and someone starts talking to me about some Asian company I own asking me if I should sell it. I have no idea what to do but I say, "Sure, let's sell." The guy on the other end of the line thanks me and tells me the company is now three hundred million dollars richer. I say good and yell for someone, anyone to get me another drink. Life is good, but I wonder how long it will last.
Comments
Post a Comment